It Is Not Always Easy, It Is Not Always Hard.

I hate the term 'No Pain, No Gain'. What does that mean really? Hurt yourself to the point of giving up? Or worse, hurting yourself to point of the wrong kind of pain? What am I gaining then? Nothing. You see, I am in constant pain, so I can't tell sometimes when it is the right time to stop or how much further I can go, so I go until I feel like it is time to stop. And today I feel like I need to stop and take a break. I worked out twice this past week and Thursday I was in and out of a mini van several times and that takes a toll on my legs. Yes, getting in and out of car hurts. But also walking up my steps afterward is even more of a struggle. And then today, back onto a mini van and out and in and out again, then up my steps. Im done. My pain level is telling me that I need a break. Why am I sharing this, because this is my life. This is how I live, struggling every single day to just have a life. Once I am in my apartment, I am in my safe zone. I can sit in my chair and relax. But I know I can't sit there all day, I need to move and I need to do things, but for the next two days, I will not be pushing myself because I don't want to hurt myself either. 
I feel good though. If I say walking up my steps today was a little easier for me then that is a good thing. But today I took a break on the cement steps before coming up the steps to my apartment. On Thursday I did not stop I pushed myself up all the steps without stopping. I was cold and it was cold outside so that was a motivation, but to know I could do it was something of an achievement on my part. But I am proud of myself because I see improvement in all I am doing physically. But it still hurts and I still struggle painfully to do anything. But it is a pinch better. Enough to show me that I am getting better and I can do this. 
Went to a dinner tonight at our chapel. I was so proud of myself. I turned away my mashed potatoes and the rice and stuck to the meat and vegetables. AND when desert was served, I had one little spoon of ice cream and NO cake. Had coffee and water. I felt very good. I did not over do it and when I came home I had a cutie orange. I am not craving foods like I used to. Oh don't get me wrong, put it in front of me and I will devour it, but I'm not craving it. Not wanting to have chocolate or cookies or pizza like I did before. I still get my emotional bouts, I am sure for a long time I will, but it is getting a little more easier. I feel Jesus working on me and in me. I feel like a new person. 
2 Corinthians 5:17 ~ "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creations; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 
Everyday is a struggle physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But today, it was just a tiny bit easier.