This is My Day...

I just hope that all I am sharing in this next blog will maybe touch someone heart to not pick up that next piece of pizza or eat that big piece of cake. For if what I know now, I could have known then, I think my life would be easier.
Some people can just bounce out of bed and get going. But for me it is a struggle. After laying all night, my back does not want to cooperate and my neither do my legs. They scream for me to just lay there. But I get up and I sometimes cry. But now I am up. I struggle to get dressed and get things done so I can start my day. Coffee in hand I try to stretch out the kinks and pains. I refuse to take any pain meds unless I hurt so bad I can't take it. Walking around my apt can be trying, sometimes I feel like I am going to fall, my balance is not the best. But I get where I am going. Breakfast is done and so now I need to get dishes done. Since I can not stand long term, I pull a chair up to the sink and wash my dishes. I put them away and get dinner out of the freezer to thaw. I make my way to the bathroom and straighten it up, sometime sitting on the edge of the tub just so I can get it done with out hurting. On to the living room and into my chair. For some people this might take you about half hour or so, but for me it takes a little over an hour. And I will sit and cry. Cry to God and just beg for an easier day tomorrow.
Lunch time and so I need to get up and get to the kitchen. I make a light lunch, clean up and fill my water bottle. If this is an exercise day, I will pull my chair out and put on my DVD and go for it. It hurts, but I struggle through it. Once done, I feel proud, but I can hardly get up. More water and off to the living room to relax and do homework or read. If clothes have been washed, I will fold and put them away. Maybe vacuum the living room. Now that is a struggle. It takes me forever... cause I have to keep sitting to take breaks. But I get it done.
Time for dinner. I cook dinner. Eat and clean up. By this time I am exhausted and in so much pain that all I can do is sit and relax.
Bed time. Struggle to the bedroom and get in bed. Lay there wondering if I will get any sleep tonight, will my body let me? Some nights are better then others.
This is my day.
This what I have done to me. I can blame everyone around me. I can blame my dad and my family and childhood bullying, but in the end it was me who put the food in my mouth. Instead of seeking help when I knew it was wrong, I still chose food. I chose food over my life, my family, my marriage and even God. I chose food. But now I want to choose life. Choose my marriage. Choose my family and most of all choose God.
I choose to live. I have placed my life in God's hands, but I still have to do it.
So everyday I struggle to get better. I live in pain until I can be pain free.
So before you choose to take that next bite of food for comfort.... look at me and say NO MORE!! I choose life.
This goes for drugs and alcohol too. It is all the same. You are abusing your beautiful body that God gave you. Get help and keep fighting to LIVE!